He came home last night and kissed me like I had been longing to be kissed...and the tears were not those of joy. They were from the realisation that he was using my feelings against me rather then showing his - as he has none.
I dont take care of myself anymore.
He is right.
I took care of myself when he made me feel like a queen. His queen.
The compliments stopped.
They were being given to other woman.
Thats when the self doubt and self loathing crept back.
I couldnt be that great if he was giving the love I so desperatly needed elsewhere, could I?
I couldnt be that beautiful if he was telling others they were.
I couldnt be that perfect if he was telling others they were.
Then again the kiss we shared this morning reminded me that I do love him - I felt the same kissing him this morning as I did the first time we kissed.
I only wish he could say the same.
He will never accept that I want, or rather, need to have a good relationship with my ex, he will forever be jealous of him. That ship has sailed long ago and I would never dream of ever giving my attentions to another man as long as I am with him but he doesnt believe me.
I will never be going through his phone again but I do not trust him. I never will.
He said he didn't love me but he doesn't want to leave me.
I love him that's why I'm leaving him - so that he doesnt call any more time he spends with me a *waste*.
All I ever wanted was to be enough.
No comments:
Post a Comment