I wasnt enough

Her name is M***. M*** is who he was smsing on Wednesday when I couldn’t get hold of him. Telling her what he wanted to do to her with his tongue That he cant wait till they could “drink” each other again Telling her that the bulge in his pants was aching for her Telling her that he had a bed for them and all she had to do was get there Telling her that I am at work till 9 and he had until 5 to “make her feel like a real woman” Telling her that he so badly wanted to move in with her and give her “everything” I tried. I tried with everything I could to prove to you I wanted you and I trusted you and I wanted “our” life. Wednesday I had a bad feeling. My instincts told me something was up. That is why I checke your phone. I hadn’t really before then. I trusted you before then. I don’t know why on Wednesday I had this niggling feeling that something was going on, but it was there. When I saw those sms’s – Paul it ripped my heart out. I was worse than anything I had ever found before. And the fact that you wanted to bed her, in our bed! What if she had pitched up Paul? You would have been like that cat that got the cream wouldn’t you? And you would have left me slept in our bed, on unwashed sheets. Because I would probably never have found out. And you could have had me full time and M**** on the side for as long as you covered your tracks? You could have been sending ME those sms’s – you know I wanted it and I would have responded. I have never felt so humiliated and disrespected. I gave you everything…well tried to….I told you I was terrified of not being enough for you. You kept assuring me I was. Who lied? I don’t want to fight P***. I really don’t. I want us to part on good terms. I don’t hate you, but whats done is done – I can and never will trust you again. You don’t even trust me anyway – without trust there is no love is there? You will find someone else really quickly again – I know that. And I truly wish you everything of the best. Truly.

I wont give up..

It has been a month since we broke up. A month since I lost the air that I breathe. A month since the part of me was ripped away. I believe we were meant to be....and that we will be. Jason Mraz says it best: I WONT GIVE UP I Won't Give Up" Hmmmm ... Hmmmm ... Hmmmm ... Hmmm ... When I look into your eyes It's like watching the night sky Or a beautiful sunrise There's so much they hold And just like them old stars I see that you've come so far To be right where you are How old is your soul? I won't give up on us Even if the skies get rough I'm giving you all my love I'm still looking up And when you're needing your space To do some navigating I'll be here patiently waiting To see what you find 'Cause even the stars they burn Some even fall to the earth We've got a lot to learn God knows we're worth it No, I won't give up I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not And who I am I won't give up on us Even if the skies get rough I'm giving you all my love I'm still looking up Still looking up. I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up) God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved) We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved) God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it) I won't give up on us Even if the skies get rough I'm giving you all my love I'm still looking up